It's still hard for me to believe what happened on Sat. My 9 year old daughter plays on a little basketball team that her brother coaches. We're headed into the playoffs, and Sat's game determined who went to the championship game, skipping the playoff game before it. An email had gone out before the game asking the coaches to respect the refs, etc.
I was familiar with this green team and the coaches, and thought they were all pretty nice. After we got there, and before the game even got started, the main coach from the other team started telling one of the refs that our team does such and such, and so to watch out for us. I said,, "Hey, we're not supposed to be influencing the refs!" and the ref turned to me and said he was right, our team does do whatever! I think that ref doesn't like us.
Another time, when he was at it again, I said, "I didn't know being a crybaby was going to help! If it is, maybe I should do it too."
So with that start, the game did not get much better. Most of our games have been close, so that was no surprise. What surprised me was that any time their girls fell down, they claimed outrage and focused mainly on my Girl! I swear they told their girls to simply fall down whenever she was around, because they know she's very aggressive.
Also, another coach, who I considered a friend of mine, was keeping track of our girls and how much time they played! At one point she was telling the table that one of our girls had only played 24 seconds in one quarter, so since it wasn't 30 full seconds, it didn't count! I mean, they were working every angle they could think of!
Silly us, we just took our girls out there to play, and hoped they would do their best!
Things came to a head near the end of the game, when a girl on the other team fell down when the Girl blocked her shot. Their coach ran onto the floor with his arms outstretched in an appeal to the refs, who had already called a foul. Then a fan ran out of the stands toward the Girl, until K cut him off. Then he ran over to the Boy, saying, "Did you see that? Did you see that?" What did he want us to do?
One of the refs told the guy to go back. Then some other fans joined in the yelling and complaining, to the point where the ref gave them a Technical Foul.
Unfortunately this didn't help us, and we ended up losing a few minutes later by 2 points.
After the game I turned around to pick up my purse as the teams slapped hands, and when I turned around again, people were telling me that my daughter had just punched 2 of their girls, and what was I going to do about it?
Well, I was very surprised! I told them I couldn't believe it, that she had never done anything like that before. They insisted it was true, so I made my way over to her. It was ackward asking her, "Honey, did you punch anyone?" and she said, "Noooo!"
Even the ref that doesn't like us turned to the Boy and told him smugly, "By the way, your sister just punched someone!" Like they all think she's a bully or something!
Then the ref decided the teams should leave separately, which felt a lot safer. When we got outside, the coach from the other team came over and apologized, saying my daughter had NOT punched anyone, and the girl had simply complained that her fingers got bent backward in the high-fiving.
As we walked to the car, a mother from our OWN team said she understood how they got so upset, because the Girl had a look of "rage" on her face as she ripped the ball out of another girl's hands. I asked why rage? Couldn't it have been determination or frustration? Why doesn someone on our own team have to criticize her like that, for something she probably can't control? (i.e .the look on her face)
As it was, she ran to the car and hid until we got there. I asked her why, and she said, "I didn't want anyone to talk to me. They were just trying to make me feel bad, but I didn't do anything wrong!"
Which I thought was rather wise of her.
So I don't know what people want. I asked her to next time she's wrestling for posession of the ball to try to have a sweeter look on her face, but I think that will not come off well either.
I just hate it that people are focusing on her, as though she's a bad person or something. She's still learning what a foul is, but she's not out to deliberately hurt anyone.
It's hard to beleive that we have nothing to apologize for, because it feels like we're in trouble. Aparently they told the people in charge that we were influencing the refs or something, because in the email that came out about it, we seemed in just as much trouble as the people who were out of control.
I hate it that in life, it's the people who complain the loudest that get listened to.
We weren't planning on coaching again next year, as the Girl will probably be promoted to the Travel Team. But now I'm wondering if I want to spend any more years around these people at all!!
It's funny, but I don't ever remember anyone complaining about aggressiveness in my Boy. It seems that girls are judged much differently...
That sucks. I feel like we have a big target on our backs. I wish we were done now, but we have to play the yellow team tonight, whose coach is definitely a yeller. And if we're lucky enough to win, we get to play that lovely green team again.
Wish us luck!
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